Unfaithful

   I am unfaithful. I am a beguiling whore. I cannot help my sexual desires. I cannot help it if men want me and I want them. They call out to me all the time and I cannot resist their temptation. I am Eve. I'm too weakened, fragile and innocent. Men take full advantage of my vulnerability and they respect women as much as I respect men. I lead them on of course, so the blame lies with me. I loathe myself. I want to kill myself...I will someday...maybe. Why did he have to leave me ?! I could have explained a plausible reason! He was not pleasing me, so I could do nothing but displease him in turn. I had sex with a man I scarcely knew yet twenty minutes in this man's company was a thousand times more exhilarating than twenty years alone with my husband! Why did he have to displease me so? He was not alluring, enticing or handsome anymore. War had broken him. I could not wait any longer. He was as vulnerable as me. So I had a right to become an adulterer. Infidelity is wrong but when it happens, you have no idea how relieving and beautiful it makes you feel.  

   After my affair, I feel like my world has been torn apart yet thinking back now, thinking about my secrecy, it felt so exhilarating. I loved sneaking around, getting sexually pleased through a lustful man. With my husband it was tedious love, very aged love. With my lover, it was lust, pure lust. When a man deceives his wife, he is thought of as a "player." Women, on the other hand, are thought of as whores. HOW DO WE ALLOW THIS?! I will admit, as I have been doing already, being sexually intimate with a man who was not my husband was alluring, the greatest times of my life. I am called a whore for this. Isn't my lover to blame to? He was aware of my marriage. Yet his hungry eyes settle on me constantly wanting me, needing me, loving me. Loving my body, using it as a piece of meat. I was a piece of meat. I enjoyed being a piece of meat. It felt beyond great, words can't describe the feeling. When I was with him, I thought of nothing but the feeling. Being there with him, our bodies entwined, sexually pleasing one another, thinking of nothing else but us, in that moment. Then we head back to our uninteresting spouses, make tedious love with them and fall asleep thinking about your lover and how you can't wait to become one flesh again the next night. [Long Pause] I loved every second of my deceit and if I could go back and change it, I wouldn't.